⁠Dealing With Adultery and Abusive Marriages

Description

Preface

For many years, experts have tried to piece  together what it means to commit adultery and how to spot when you are in an abusive marriage. But not many have addressed the subject of adultery from the lens of the innocent spouse. in fact, there are those from the school of thought that the receiving spouse, the one whose husband or wife cheated, contributed to the act being committed. But adultery is an individual behaviour. no matter how you try to look at it, committing adultery is the sole decision of the cheating spouse. Just like taking responsibility as an adult is a choice, the cheating spouse must choose to take responsibility for his or her actions.

abusive marriages are no different. You can choose to react to a situation that angers you, or walk away from it. if you choose the violent way, you must be ready to face the consequences. take for instance, in a work setting, your boss angers you so much that you begin to fight him, verbally and physically. it is only a matter of time until you lose your job. That is the consequence of your action.

D E A L I N G W I T H A D U LT E R Y A N D A B U S I V E M A R R I A G E S

Dealing with adultery and abusive Marriages is a book that addresses the issue of adultery with all honesty and sincerity, and helps the victim navigate his or her life back to normalcy. it is a book which seeks to help receiving spouses of adultery and abusive marriages, to deal and heal from the pain caused by their abusers. Looking at the foundational roots of the marriage, this book delves deep into issues like trauma bonding, gas lighting, narcissistic behaviour, manipulation and many other issues that were red flags right from the beginning. This book is not without solutions for the victim of circumstance.

as a victim of Adultery and an Abusive Marriage (AAM), my process of healing and dealing helped me to put this book together. as i searched for answers from God, His prophets, counsellors, family, friends and the internet, i realised that not much effort was put into helping victims of the aaM, but the one word that resounded with almost everyone was FORGIVENESS. i believe in FoRGiVeneSS. i believe that as humans, we all have flaws and are bound to make mistakes. nevertheless, there should be ACCOUNTABILITY for cheating spouses and abusive partners, just like God says we would account for our lives on the DAY OF JUDGEMENT.

Putting up with a character that goes contrary to the word of God, all in the name of ‘we’re human’ glorifies sin. it doesn’t help that ‘it’s a man’s world.’ Why are men allowed to get away with their crimes, and

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women made to face the consequences of their actions? is there any hope for the abused woman, or the one whose husband commits adultery?

i am not in any way trying to belittle what men go through in the hands of their abusive or adulterous wives. But such cases are rare. Yes, they exist, but comparatively, women are mostly at the receiving end of abuse and adultery.

For the purposes of this book, i will stick with my feminists. our voices are in the minority when it comes to issues threatening our lives. outside the family terrain, we are mostly affected when it comes to wars, economic crises, political instability, pandemics, bad weather conditions, and what have you. it all boils down to catering for the home and not having a stable source of income.

i must say, the narrative is changing. More and more women are embracing the whole idea of financial independence because a lack of this too, makes us vulnerable to our abusers.

There’s a lot i have to say. Sit down, take a deep breath and come with me as i share the vulnerable part of my life and how i survived abuse after 14 years with my abuser. i promise to be honest.